Marriage is not for Everyone

30, Jun 2015 by catalphia in Marriage and Money,She-He     No Comments

True story:

After one fairly long marriage and subsequent divorce, a wise and aware woman develops a partnership with the man of her dreams. They decide to move to a distant location that supports them both.

Although traditionally it has been the choice of many women to go where the man lives or wants to live, it seems to me that packing up your whole life and settling in a completely different place is a huge step. “Will you get married?” I ask.

“I don’t know. It’s a heavy archetype!” she replies.


My own story:

I have been married 44 years to someone I love and still there are times when I am not sure we will make it. Even though my partner has consistently been up for challenges, there are so many of them!

We did not do the “till death do us part” vow, but rather, pledged to honor and support each other in pursuing our heart’s desires. This has been our foundation.

Even with both people agreeing to this model, there is a pernicious obstacle in the basic concept of marriage: the concept that in marriage, the woman becomes the property of the man. “But that’s not the case now!” you protest True. It’s not. We have come a long way, at least in the culture that I’ve been fortunate enough to experience. But the concept lingers beneath the surface. It’s an issue of unequal empowerment, and I find that I need to be constantly on the lookout for it,  not only in other people and cultural structures, but also within myself .

Copyright 2015  and (revised  version) 2016  Carolyn Kahlke.  All Rights Reserved.