Bright Socks Chapter 4

23, Nov 2015 by catalphia in The Story     No Comments

 

Friday: “I would never have guessed that! What happened?”

Catalphia: “Before I started working with Ahmayo many of my dreams featured a large, old fashioned, two-storied wood house. The house had a familiar feeling but I couldn’t place it from any literal experiences. Immediately before my next work with Ahmayo this house appeared again. It was painted white and I loved it. Ahmayo said, ‘You have to find that house!’”

In my previous journey when I merged with the Rolls Royce, I was also aware of a message: Celebration Center. And afterwards I wondered, What is Celebration center? Is it a place? An organization I am supposed to start? Now I’m thinking, ‘ Is this white house Celebration Center?

“So now, while Ahmayo and I are talking, transitioning into the work, we hear a trumpet playing New Orleans jazz. ‘I’ve never heard that here before!’ Ahmayo says. She clearly thinks it’s significant. I have always loved New Orleans jazz, and Ahmayo suggests that I might have lived there in a previous life. (I’m not one of these people like the Dalai Lama who knows for sure that they have had past lives, but there’s a lot I don’t understand and I don’t rule it out.) So the music provides some color for my journey.

Here’s my experience:

After some time of breathing and waiting to see what will happen, a massive amount of gold and pink light begins to descend into my belly. It’s a strong yet subtle vibration that gradually builds and is met by an upswelling of energy rising from my lower torso. As the energy floods my body I understand, “Celebration Center.” Physically this is like my body is being taken over by dancing light, and visually the colors are tiny vibrant orbs.

After some time passes, I see a large white house that looks like it might have been built at least a hundred years ago in the Southern U.S, perhaps in the area around New Orleans. It has a covered porch that extends across the front and faces a large lawn.

Without warning, as I enjoy the spaciousness of the house, flames envelop it. “The house is burning!” I say.

‘That’s not good.’ says Ahmayo. ‘Stay with it.’ Thank goodness she is sitting next to me! Her response suggests that I will live to see the next day.

“I breathe as deeply and regularly as I can, surrounded by flames. I am in the fire for what seems like a very long time, but I don’t feel any heat. My body temperature remains stable. The house burns to the ground, yet I am safe. More time passes. I understand that I don’t live in that house. I live in a smaller house in the back, and my own house is still standing.

Now both the big house and the small one are gone. They have been replaced by a huge white mansion. I walk around inside. The rooms are large and filled with light. The walls are bright white, cream, and mari- gold. This is a majestic house, but I don’t live here either; it it is the setting for public exhibits and the activities of a not for profit organization.”

Friday: “What do you make of that?”

Catalphia: “I don’t know. Both the burning house and Celebration Center are still a mystery. The beauty and ecstacy of that gold and pink light has been with me every day, though. It has been an inspiration, something I want to become. Not ruling anything out, though, I have looked for the house in many locations, including New Orleans. I haven’t found it. So I’ve decided to focus on the inner work, the work of manifesting the energy of celebration within myself, the energy of that gold and pink light.”

Friday: “How have you been doing that?”

Catalphia: “Mostly, I’ve been following my dreams and trying to make the most of each day. After a while I stopped using my habitual to do list as a standard, and began to realize that the enjoyment of each day was more important than how much I got done. That was a big shift.

Through my work with Ahmayo I had significant help with this.”

Friday: “Are you referring to the general support of working with Ahmayo, or something specific?”

Catalphia: “Both, actually. But when I said that I was thinking of something specific. Ahmayo offered a two year program that she called “The Eye of the Tiger” for a small group of women who were working with her individually. I joined it, and during one of our five day sessions she suggested that we go as a group to a woman in the San Francisco area who specialized in hand analysis. The woman’s name was Alana. She made a print of each of our hands and then read not only the markers made by the creases in the skin, but also the structure and relationships of our fingers and thumbs.”

Friday: “Wow! I’ve never heard of that!”

Catalphia: “I never had either. It was amazing. Her focus was on each person’s life purpose.”

Friday: “What did you learn?”

Catalphia: “Alana said that the large size of my hands means that I am here to make a footprint large enough to match them. ‘The way to do that,’ she said, ‘is to follow your heart’s desire.’ Then she added,

‘This will be very difficult for you, though. You have a diamond shaped marker in the center of your palm that indicates a stuck place. You are suffering from Desire Pollution.‘

“She went on to say, ‘Desire Pollution starts very early in life, in the baby’s relationship with the mother. The baby gives over its desires to the mother, and says, OK, I don’t really want anything different from what you want. My desires are the same as yours.‘ “I’m thinking, ‘I don’t have any memories to support this, but I do have a hard time knowing what I want from moment to moment!’

“Alana added, ‘the way to move forward with your life is to follow your heart’s desire, no matter what it is. Even if you want gelato from the mountains of Italy, and it has to be shipped by overnight express to the United States in dry ice, you need to let yourself have it. “ I’m thinking, ‘She obviously hasn’t seen my bank account!’ But I understand what she means. She is using such a far fetched example so I won’t edit myself, so that if I really want something, even something totally extravagant and impractical, I’ll let myself have it.”

Friday: “Wow! That’s mind boggling!”

Catalphia: “Yes! Totally! It’s confusing too, because in working with Ahmayo it seems like I am following my heart’s desire. I’m doing lots of things that I want to do, things that are hard for me to do, things that were taboo in my family. But the marker in my hand is very clear. It’s definitely a diamond.

It was uncanny that about a month before the hand analysis, in journeywork with Ahmayo, a bobcat –while digging in the dirt–unearthed a huge yellow diamond. It was a real diamond, coal made hard and brilliant under pressure, a rare and valuable jewel. So I’m wondering, Could the stuckness, the difficulty in following my desires, be some kind of precious resource? Even if the diamond is valuable, though, Alana says it’s an obstacle, and I do feel stuck a lot of the time. I have a general long-term idea of what I want, like becoming someone who carries the energy of celebration. But moment to moment, what do I want to do? I rarely know. And that’s not something I want to continue.

So now after the hand analysis I am trying to follow my heart’s desire from moment to moment. It’s exhausting. There are so many layers. I have come to realize that I often talk myself out of things before I even know I want them.”

Friday: “What kind of things do you talk yourself out of?”

Catalphia: “Little things, big things, even wishes and dreams. Here’s an example: My husband and I are walking in a beautiful neighborhood and talking (This was before the hand analysis) about where we would like to live next. Have you ever had a conversation like this? I said that if it were possible, (dream on) I’d like a large house on a large property that’s backed up against open space. Before this, in working with Ahmayo, I had the experience of such a house, and had the sense that we’d live there someday. It was a place where people danced outdoors to live music in the summer. But it’s hard to know about dreams and journeys. Was it a symbolic house, a familiar house, or a “real” house where we’d actually live?   Later, I had another dream of a large house where we would do a lot of celebrating. Obviously, then, a large house has been prominent in my thoughts about the future. David said, ‘I don’t want a large house. I want to keep everything simple.’

“Without a second thought, I said, ‘Oh. OK. I want to keep things simple, too. A large house would mean a lot of upkeep. We’d need help. It must be that the house I saw in my dream wasn’t for us to live in.’ End of conversation. A dream whittled down to a fragment. It happened so fast I didn’t even recognize that I’d given up my vision.

After the hand analysis I mentally replayed this conversation and caught myself. Then I made a point of telling David that I have dreamed of this house, and –if it’s possible–I want to live in it. Even if he wants a small house, I want Celebration Center. “If it’s to happen we’ll find a way toep it simple,” I say.

“This time he responds, ‘Oh, OK. I just didn’t see how we could do it.’ ”

Copyright 2015 Carolyn Kahlke.  All Rights Reserved.